What to wear for an assignation - get set to impress, mystify and seduce your opponent

When you make that entrance, you need to feel that your look is perfect. Then, your confidence will be maximised and you'll have a great time. Here are your ego-boosting essentials


• Decide on an underlying theme for your meeting . A bit of romantic camouflage can do wonders for your confidence and puzzle your opponent into submission . The possibilities are endless: off-duty bodyguard, posh goth, Scandinavian Amelie, rock vegetable. Combine any adjective and noun of your choice. However ...


• ....Avoid fancy dress. Once you’ve decided on a theme for the encounter don’t go over the top. It is best to suggest the idea of a pirate wench with a compass brooch on your semi-military jacket, rather than flaunting a selection of pistols, cutlasses, parrots, etc.


• Never discount the possibility that you need sunglasses. They are invaluable for disguising your true feelings. They increase your confidence. Regardless of the weather or time of day, they are a great option for making an entrance. If you choose to keep them on throughout your meeting, make a convincing excuse to your companion – for example, you’ve got hay fever. If wearing sunglasses, distinctive lipstick will draw the focus to what you’re saying.. Think carefully before removing your sunglasses for any reason; only take them off if seeking maximum intimacy, and replace them again immediately. Example:


“Are you staying nearby tonight?” (briefly remove sunnies, make eye contact and replace in advance of assignee’s answer )


• Too much cleavage might make everyone else in the room stare at you, but if he’s any kind of gentleman, your assignee will look away. This is not the effect you want to achieve. Make sure you’re wearing a beautiful bra, and make certain it’s visible, but only when you need it to be. Practice in front of a mirror before you leave the house. He should be able to see a glimpse of it, but only when you want him to.


• Wear an interesting necklace, to give the poor man an excuse to focus on your chest on occasion, without looking too perverted.


• Make sure your outfit gives at least a nod to your surroundings. It would be difficult to work a steam punk look at an engineering symposium, for example (too much competition from the machinery), but for a classical concert it would be ideal. For tea at the Ritz, a floral tea dress is perfect, but never with appropriate shoes. Instead, choose some workboots which look as though you may have stolen them from a corpse. It is extremely important to make sure that the boots are very, very expensive. You wouldn’t go to the Ritz in your crocs, would you?


• Makeup is absolutely essential, but how much you wear will depend entirely on your outfit. If going for a virginal bedtime look, a full layer of emo slap would be unsuitable. Make friends with a makeup artist, and practice dozens of different disguises. It’ll take you back to when you were fifteen. Before you leave the house, spray the finished maquillage with Urban Decay sixteen-hour mist. You can then get boiling hot, get drenched in a shower or even cry your eyes out, and your makeup will stay exactly where it is. It is fine to use cheap makeup, but always make sure that you use a Chanel mirror when reapplying it during your date. You can put the mirror (logo side towards your victim) between him and the offending Rimmel lippy.


• Currently, medium length and natural is the most fashionable style for nails. So we’re talking expensive professional manicure to achieve this simplest of looks, unless you’re very lucky. Of course, you may need to adapt your fingernails to suit the look you’re aiming for. Funky colours are great, as long as they reflect the rest of your overall appearance. Never, ever, wear ultra-long false nails, even if you are adapting a ghetto-fabulous image. And little images glued, painted or photo-shopped onto your nails are wrong, wrong wrong on every level.


o Hair can be turned into a weapon. Long hair can be effectively hidden underneath a hat or cap, and then shaken loose when you sit down (again, you’ll need to practice the manoeuvre in front of a mirror several times to make sure you get it right on the day) . Short or medium-length hair can be spiked or coloured to add interest, and if you are going for a mannish vibe, slick it back. This Brilcreem look is great with sunglasses or evening dress, or both. Think Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies. If you hate your hair, search the internet for interesting ways to wrap scarves around your head. Do not hesitate to use more than one scarf, and consider adding necklaces or other jewellery to your creation. Hats are always excellent, but never let yourself be seen in a fascinator, or your reputation will be ruined. Every man on Earth is embarrassed to be seen with a woman with a single feather on her head.


o Invest in a ruinously expensive pair of designer jeans. They should always be imported, and must never cost less than £150. Classic straight leg fit is best, as these will go with any jacket . Ask the assistant to help you choose the most flattering pair, and look at them from all angles. Discard any which are the wrong length (unless you are happy to pay extra for professional alteration). The waist should be in a comfortable position, to avoid muffin-tops. Either black or navy denim is ok, but steer clear of stonewash, ripped, twisted seam, be-glittered or anything else which is going to date- you want to wear these babies until they fall apart, for the money you’ve just paid for them. Remember that, as woman of mystery, you can wear these jeans anywhere, but they’re only going to let you into the Savoy Grill if everything else is perfect – jacket, accessories, attitude. If you aren’t confident about those three, cop out and wear your tailored black faithful instead. And shame on you!


o Wear shoes you can walk in. Admit to yourself that you might not pull off an attractive entrance whilst trying to cope with Sugababe footwear. If you can’t manage high heels, wear something medium. Flats are really difficult to pull off, and should only be attempted if the man you are meeting has a real hang-up about his (lack of) height. And why would you want to meet such a fellow anyway?


o Your shoes have to look good. With most outfits, they should be stylish, immaculate and preferably non-synthetic (unless they are Stella MacCartney) When you do that thing of crossing your legs and rotating the uppermost ankle, he needs something fabulous to look at. You need something to admire, too, to keep your morale up.


o If all your stuff won’t fit into your chosen handbag, don’t panic. It is fine to have one teeny bag to complement your ensemble, and another to tote your umbrella, makeup, the book you have brought along to impress him, etc. Just make sure, in a full-length mirror, that you look ok when you are carrying both bags together. One over the shoulder and one in the hand usually looks fine. Be careful if your smaller bag is a clutch- these tend to look a bit odd when carried with another bag. Do not arrive carrying designer shopping bags unless they come from a nearby store, and you’ve just bought something there on the way to your appointment. Reject even designer shopping bags if they have the word ‘sale’ upon them. They must always be paper, never plastic – and never from Harrods. White Company, Chanel and East all have classy ones


o .Never underestimate the power of gloves. They really enhance a lot of garments, and if you take them off properly, you can create a mini-striptease effect, even in a crowded room, which will hypnotise your prey.






Finally, it’s always useful to have a minimum of two gay , male friends at your house when you get ready. If you have only one such friend, you risk being talked into an over-the-top drag-based ensemble. Two of them are sure to argue with each other, and you have the option of being able to use your casting vote.






Go slay em, girl!